Hope for
help,
support,
and self understanding
for light in the darkness.
But expect unexpected
abandonment,
suffocation,
and misunderstanding.
Hold dreams
wishes,
and fantasies,
But know that
...none...
may ever
see the light
they might deserve.
Fear the symptoms
of the night,
when the living sleep and the
animals do not sing.
When the body should rest
but is too tired.
When death is the only
reminder of life.
When dissonance fights
the minds embrace
of a better time.
Remember the dawn?
It was here-- not so long ago
But now, it its total and utter absence,
I despair.
Will the sun come to warm
all the hands that it has left cold?
Will the light shine away the
darkest deep of my fear and sadness?
Honestly, I don't know
But, lovingly, I wait.
February 2, 2012
Waiting, wondering
Wondering,waiting.
Waiting for wonders am I
as I wonder why I am waiting.
Wondering, waiting.
Waiting, wondering.
I wonder: "Why am I waiting?"
"Who is worth waiting for?"
Is it you? I wonder.
This is so bloody boring.
What I wonder,
am I ever waiting for?
How wondrous would it be
if I was waiting for something as wonderful
as you?
I still
don't
know if it's
worth
the wait.
But wait I will,
since I will have to wait!
I shall will my will
against my impatient trait!
Hope, I must,
that wonderful is my fate!
Sit still, I will
and grow satiate.
As I wait, I wonder
upon how fun it is to ponder,
To think upon near and yonder,
and remember those distant and fonder.
Waiting, wondering
Wondering, waiting.
February 19, 2012
I'm so sorry I am where I am.
I want to be there, not here; not anywhere but there.
I want to be your perfect, your knight, your brilliant
starlight.
To me, you are the dove
that flashes beauty as thoughts of two
flutter away, around, and above
with flirtatious flapping made just by you.
I love that you fly
I love that you defy
the ground and all
the things that keep me down.
I won't cage you to keep you here.
I would ask only that you stay near
and steer clear my fear
of your dancing too far away.
You see, my own wings are hurt
and I can't keep pace.
I must walk until new feathers spurt
so that I may leave again for space.
My knighthood is damaged:
Demons attacked. They were quite savage.
My armor is dented. My sword is dull.
Yet I am pulling my whole back my hull:
soon the sail will set with that solar bust.
Something inside whispers full,
"I am still this perfect stardust."
Glow right now I may not
but I will glow again before I rot.
I am where I am and still I'm sorry.
The story's old, the same. Quite boring.
But your arrival here won't leave you snoring.
Dancing and music, playing and food.
Everything needed for a really good mood!
So come once, come twice,
come quickly or come thrice!
I don't care when nor how long
as long as it's here, loud and strong.
February 24, 2012
I hearthurt
when I see you.
My heart bursts
when you grace
my space.
I'm in love with you,
whoever you are.
Your beauty takes
my own away
and leaves me faking
these bad cliches.
I want to watch you,
touch you, learn as much
as there is to know about you.
Fuck me, love me,
rub me, do whatever
you want to me.
Just your smile
will do.
But this
gives me hearthurt.
Because as I yearn
my heart does burn
to know yours does
not.
February 25, 2012
Getting to know you
is not unlike falling into an abyss.
But though the free-fall is bliss,
the caverns seem to hiss
how my unknown
fate cannot be known.
Though I wonder at this flight,
I worry a bit about my plight
Letting go of the ground
drowns the soundness
out of comfortable bounds.
Yet, I can't help myself
help myself
miss this abyss,
which I wish
never to leave.
Is falling what you do, too?
Then drop into my arms
and catch breaths with me.
Let go of the alarms
and see such worries flee.
Because falling together
is so much better
than trying
to catch
alone.
February 27, 2012
I really am quite thankful.
Please don't think of me as hateful.
I love you. I miss us.
I miss our love; I love our trust.
Love is strong--though
strongest when returned.
Without another,
an unbalanced yearn,
a tipping feather
dropping on the fern.
So I am rather grateful
for my time with you.
We have lead one full
life, though now we are two.
Others seem to know only
of loneliness and misery.
Even as I am now alone,
fond are the memories
that keep me company.
The love we had was true.
It resonates within me
and fights the blue
'cause now I clearly see
that our love was in
us: both you and me
March 1, 2012
The demise, I surmise, won't be a surprise.
It'll be a loud cloud plowed straight through our consciousness
held heavy with higher hopes of hilltops
green with growth, greatness, and good things.
Wonder as I do,
the possibility that you
and I could drive
this thing away
to another day
so another dawn
could be drawn
into our future
feels remote.
So let's
embrace the end.
Let's tend
mend,
and strengthen.
Let's find
the mind
to dine with our enemies
and feast upon
our very weakness
March 2, 2012
Sobedi, dobedi
doobedi dah.
I'm skipping "hiya"
'cause I'm here to tell yah:
my friends are the best!
We ace all our tests
Then they call me up when
I don't need no rest
Bipity, bapity,
boo-ba-doo.
I'm telling you
'cause I know it's true.
My friends are good
--we make our
own goddamn
neighborhood.
Ziggy ziggy zog
Bog de bog bog.
Look at C-Dog--
we call him "Big Red."
He's got a good head
though he don't jog.
His clutch is tight
and so is his game.
We keep him around
and we remember his name
'cause he's a damn good friend.
'n' losin' him 'd be a shame.
Drip drap slip slap.
Flip yo' flap and
go see that.
Josh is cool
he's got some verse
but no need to drool
that's quite crude, of course.
So clap yo' hands and
stomp yo' feet.
He has words that
make their own fuckin' beat.
Ryan rocks
and the more he talks
the more he sounds
more than a jock.
Player he is
and danger abounds
when he walks
the grounds.
The waters fizz
and the fires hiss
as he lets out
all kinds of diss.
So watch out now
the four of us
are about to bust
wow, kapow
all kinds of trust.
Tend your best sends
and tweet your best feed.
'Cause we're the
best friends
anyone has ever seen.
March 16, 2012
You liked it gentle,
you liked it rough,
you liked it hard,
and even gruff.
But it was never enough
and this was just too tough.
I loved you more
than eyes could see,
saying it with all my
bone, mind, and body.
But whatever I did,
whatever I tried,
you always outbid.
I think I had died.
Your final pleasure would hide
even as I tried, tried, and tried
Yours was never satisfied!
So mine just cried, cried, and cried;
A thousand billion million
times I just died, died, and died.
Was I at fault? Was I a dalt?
Was I forsaken?
Did you forgive me?
Were my efforts something
you even cared to see?
To hurt your love
is to hurt yourself
--one's love is the
reflection of the self.
I know my pain pained you
Just as your pain pained two.
But now this love ends
without much amends.
Now must I attend
to mine own bends
and heal the wounds
that to me you send.
March 16, 2012
Please, glimpse past
the bleak, the meek,
the scents that reek
and seek the bright, the shining
"Thank you"
Lit by all the giving
that you do.
I thanked you once.
I thanked you twice.
But thanks just cannot
--will not--suffice.
You give, give,
and give again.
So now my gratitude
is garnered by my pain.
I have nothing to give.
I am no one to know.
My house I've outlived.
My loves do not show.
This debt I made
is not for you to pay.
Yet, your generosity
will help me build away
these demons today.
With nothing in hand,
head, or heart, unplanned,
I start to smile!
The wrinkles
of my thousand sufferings
cuddle with my eyes,
having seen the
deepness of the dark.
These survivor's bones align
then collapse into
lowly greatness.
March 2012
How can one be another's?
A Valentine is not one I can can call "mine."
But rather, a beauty I should give wine
while I dine within her fine presence.
In a sense,
this Hallmark holiday
teaches a cruel lesson
to imprison lovers
with impression spells
of possession.
This is sad.
A spirit's freedom is what
makes it sparkle brightly gold.
This is not a commodity
to be bought or sold
but a masterpiece to be
admired as bold
--a perfect temple
housing pure soul.
But now as I think
my mind does change.
Though you are not
mine to take,
I am mine such
that I can give.
So I will not ask,
"Will you be my Valentine?"
But rather,
"Will you take me
into your sublime,
o dear, Valentine?"
March 16, 2012
Please, glimpse past
the bleak, the meek,
the scents that reek
and seek the bright, the shining
"Thank you"
Lit by all the giving
that you do.
I thanked you once.
I thanked you twice.
But thanks just cannot
--will not--suffice.
You give, give,
and give again.
So now my gratitude
is garnered by my pain.
I have nothing to give.
I am no one to know.
My house I've outlived.
My loves do not show.
This debt I made
is not for you to pay.
Yet, your generosity
will help me build away
these demons today.
With nothing in hand,
head, or heart, unplanned,
I start to smile!
The wrinkles
of my thousand sufferings
cuddle with my eyes,
having seen the
deepness of the dark.
These survivor's bones align
then collapse into
lowly greatness.
March 22, 2012
You're my hero,
my knight in shining armor! = )
You take me from zero
and fight for me with ardor.
I shall love you strongly
and shower you with gifts.
Please think of me fondly
as I sing for you and lift.
Admiration, I know,
hasn't always been my best
but forgiveness you sew
with every thread you nest.
My apologies are clear:
I've hurt you and I'm sorry.
The pain is quite dear
your tears were quite starry.
Now I know where to steer
and I'll no longer tarry.
I shall sing just your praise
and let go of my frustrations.
This life's phase is too long a haze
for us to lose our relation.
So with a smile I say,
"You have my love still.
You'll have it every day.
This is my will
--a debt I'm happy to pay."
March 23, 2012
I really am quite thankful.
Please don't think of me as hateful.
I love you. I miss us.
I miss our love; I love our trust.
Love is strong--though
strongest when returned.
Without another,
an unbalanced yearn,
a tipping feather
dropping on the fern.
So I am rather grateful
for my time with you.
We have lead one full
life, though now we are two.
Others seem to know only
of loneliness and misery.
Even as I am now alone,
fond are the memories
that keep me company.
The love we had was true.
It resonates within me
and fights the blue
'cause now I clearly see
that our love was in
us: both you and me.
March 2012
As I take this pill,
I think of my father
and the great, big hill
I would always bother.
It rose and rose,
closing the sky
quite like a rose
shining petal-peaks long and dry.
I would fight the rock,
seeking the summit
with tooth and knock.
But always I'd plummet,
wondering if I'd fought
hard enough.
He taught me, my father, to just smile.
"All things worthwhile
should be done in style.
Happiness is quite versatile,
Melancholy, however, will drag on for miles.
The value of hard work
is not one to shirk
but working hard for hardness' sake
is a path that leads to pain and ache.
So love the path you follow,
and do not let it hollow
your soul or your song.
Do not hate the steps you take.
Enjoy the things you make!"
Now, when I hike,
I do so with a friend
or maybe with a bike
to better enjoy turning the bend.
And wherever I tire,
I play rhythms on tree roots,
beatbox like a sire,
or breakdance with lighter boots.
For when I take this pill
I count to four
and think of the hill
and One Step More.
March 2012